Letter to the me four years ago going through a diffult time and to anyone else in the same boat.
Dear clever lady,
You’re alright. Stand up off the kitchen floor and wipe your eyes. You’re alright. Now, put the kettle on and make yourself some tea. I’ve got some important things to tell you so while your baby sleeps, grab your mug and a custard cream (no dieting isn’t important right now, you need the energy) and come and sit down with me.
1. Firstly, I’m here to tell you it does really get easier. I know people tell you that all the time but it does. In truth it actually gets easier and then it gets harder and easier and harder and easier, however the good very soon out weighs the bad and you get stronger and better able to cope when things are tough. You learn how to hold it together, how to get through the difficult days, who can help you practically and emotionally and how to muster a smile from a weighed down frown.
2. Know that your baby is going to become a really lovely boy who is confident, happy, experimental and a pleasure to chat with. He will throw some unexpected challenges your way too and at times you won’t have a clue what to do, but talk to others, stick to your values and you’ll figure it out. There’ll come many days when you see him and his two wonderful brothers (yes you will do all this again twice more) are playing together and the sence of love and pride will be overwhelming.
3. Thirdly, relax about your husband doing things differently to you. I know how infuriating it can be, but he has his own ideas and if he gives them a biscuit before their lunch, reads them five stories at bedtime or forgets do up their coats right up to their chins on a mild autumn day just relax. He is being a wonderful father, he takes them out when you need a break, he helps to change dirty sheets in the middle of the night and calm upset children when one of them has been sick and he teaches them so much. So talk to him and just turn a blind eye sometimes. All will be well.
4. Stop feeling bad for all the things you feel you ought to be doing with your baby now and as he grows up. Just keep on with what you are doing and what makes sence to you. Admit it, craft stuff doesn’t come naturally so do it when you get the urge but don’t stress about it.
5. You’re alright. You don’t have to enjoy every moment of being a mother, nor berate yourself when you have a cry, feel like you can’t carry on. Just call your husband, your mum, your sister, a friend or another mother. Then get out of the house and meet up with people. You’ll feel so much better for it.
You’re alright and you are a good mother and it’s going to feel so much better really soon.
Love me x